I know I’ve talked about Alice before — usually in my attempts to win things. Well, I’ll admit I’m doing it again: I want free TP for year! I need free TP for a year because I live semi-communally (a large apartment building). One of my neighbors recently had their apartment broken into and the (allegedly) the perpetrator committed arson (wasn’t in the perp’s MO — he had already confessed to the break-in). Well, at 1:30 a.m. on that Saturday night, we were woken by someone knocking on doors as that apartment’s smoke alarm beeped. The fire department broke down the door, woke us all up, and then stayed speaking loudly in the hall for a few hours. Well, I don’t want to shout “Oh, sheet!” (or something less decorous) at 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning and awaken my neighbors. Though at least it would probably be so quick, they’d never what had awakened them in the first place. Either way, I deserve free TP for a year because I don’t want to awaken myself more than I need to just to fumble for more TP or worse yet, start looking for the tissues.